It all started with……

This house is a mess !

Those 5 words are danger to the male gender. Run and hide ! Find a big rock to crawl under. Let the instinct to flee take control and run for the hills. Drop the cell phone and disappear for at least a few hours if not all day. Read on to find out what happened when my fiance uttered those words.

It began on Friday evening after a very busy and frustrating week at the garage. My throat was sore as well as every joint in my body. I was sure I had a fever of 150 degrees as sweat was pouring off my skin. Every movement was a chore and filled with pain. I was dying ! I had malaria or worse. All I wanted to do was go home, take a hot shower, and crawl into bed. But those 5 words were the welcome I received when I got home. The urge to take flight was there but my body was unable to move. Stricken with disease, I was caught smack in the middle of a fully planned Saturday cleaning the house and shed. Notice how it went from ” This house is a mess” to ” We need to clean the house and some stuff needs to go in the shed”. For reference, the shed was full from floor to ceiling. No room for anything else. But there is no way to stop a woman when she goes on a cleaning spree.

 Lucky for me; Friday ended with nothing else being said about cleaning. Saturday morning she left me sleep till almost 9am. That should have been the first clue of impending doom. The bacon and eggs breakfast should have sent me running for cover. But I clung to the plan, I had to do an oil change on our 2012 Hyundai Elantra Limited. Add in the drive back and forth from the garage and I could kill an hour at least. She will also expect me to chit chat with anyone who stops by the garage. As it was, her sister stopped by with a Malibu Classic that needed some minor adjustments to the trunk latch and a new 4way hazard light switch. I was gone for almost 4 hours. That will be enough time for her to forget, right ? Oh I was so wrong !! And still very much ready to die from my flu-like malaria symptoms.

 I arrived home around 2pm Saturday afternoon to find her in the bedroom with everything spread out on the floor. Every drawer, closet, nook, and cranny was now spread out for sorting. I was doomed ! Like a dear caught in the beam of a headlight, I was stuck with no where to run. There was no evading the inevitable fall house and shed cleaning now. I was caught in her cleaning ambush, but she had a bigger plan in mind. Unknown to me of course. She didn’t ask much from me knowing I was sick and all. Take out some trash and put a few boxes by the door. No other indications of the major battle yet to come. Saturday ended peacefully and early. I actually fell asleep sitting on the floor in the living room so she took me to bed and snuggled up close to comfort me. The lull before the storm.

  Sunday began at 6am with; ” Are you sleeping all day again or are you going to help me?”. I was furious from that moment on ! How dare she ask me that ! I will show her, I thought to myself. I am not going to talk to her all day. Who was the boss here ? I immediately headed for the shed and began to remove everything it contained. Boxes, a small refrigerator, bicycles, holiday decorations, lawn tools, and more. For the record, some items gained air miles as they went flying out of the door. I had emptied our 10’x14′ storage shed in 20 minutes. Apparently that was too fast and new orders came from the woman inside. “Exactly what are you doing ?”, she asked. “I am reorganizing and throwing away broken stuff.”, was my reply. “Better not touch my Christmas decorations or break any of them ! Hurry up we need to go to a birthday party !” was her comment back to me. As you can imagine, I had already broken some decorations. My ship was sinking with me on it.

 I mumbled and grumbled all day. We missed the birthday party. And there were a few bouts of yelling typical testosterone filled male comments about cleaning being a woman’s job and all. It got me nowhere in the battle. I lost to her and her ultimate plan. Her house was clean and organized as was the shed. I took a shower and went to bed at 6:30pm. I will show her, I am still in charge here ! I woke up the next day with a backache from hell. I had stayed in bed way too long. Yet I clung to one thought,” I showed her who was the boss !”

 If you enjoyed reading this, please share it with friends and family. Thank you Mindy Good for enduring my childish behavior. I love you with all my heart !

Peace be with you all,

Troy Lied